Why Am I Still Alive? Pt. 9: Enron part 3 - The Escape

After Enron’s meltdown when we were ushered from the building by security, there were more plans afoot. After a nap to sleep off the midday drunkenness, our partner on the project, Jeff Huff, hatched a scheme to have a blowout party at our apartment complex. Since we were long-term clients of Enron, we no longer stayed in hotels and several of us had large industrial-style furnished apartments about a mile from Enron’s two highrises. Several of the traders lived there as well, most notably Matt Arnold who had once made Enron half a billion dollars in ONE DAY. He had the huge two-story penthouse suite on the roof. That saidm Jeff’s apartment, as the partner on the engagement, was not small - perhaps 3000 square feet of mostly open space. 

We knew it was over, and that any expenses would almost certainly not be reimbursed so we sent emails and texts to 100 or so favorite clients: “Tonight only! An exquisite feast of McDonald’s hamburgers (sorry no cheese - too expensive!) and Boon’s Farm Wine. Come drink with us and welcome the end of the world!”  We ordered 300 McDonald’s hamburgers which took a couple of hours but by the time everyone arrived we had them stacked 4 feet high on the kitchen island. (Sadly the photos of this event were lost - thanks to Brian who lost his camera!) We did have a couple of bottles of Boon’s as a joke but still had quite a collection of fine wine assembled over our 4 years in Houston thanks to our expense accounts for our now ex-clients to sample. 

About 50 unemployed Enron employees came and laughed and drank. Spirits were oddly high and it was a great time. As the party wound down, around 1 am Jeff and I escorted the last guests out and followed them down the elevator to the guest parking lot where we ourselves had parked. 

That’s when it began… It was a bit of a tradition. Jeff and I always rented rear-wheel drive Mercury Grand Marquis cars (think “cop car”) each week and would occasionally act like teenagers in the parking lot and pull the parking brake while flooring the accelerator and dropping the car from Park into Drive. This resulted in the rear wheels spinning without forward movement and the creation of a large plume of blue smoke from the spinning tires. 

Well, this was the end of the world so when we both backed out in order to move our cars up to our assigned parking spots and lined up next to each other, it was ON! No words were necessary. With just a nod, we simultaneously hit the parking brake and the accelerator and dropped the large car from “park” into “drive.” 

The smoke from two side by side cars quickly enveloped us - and our final departing guests who were last seen running away laughing. Typically this would be for just a few seconds, but it seems we were both on a path to out-do each other. So 10 seconds, 30 seconds, a full minute, perhaps even 2 went by before one of us let off on the gas. The entire 6 story building was enveloped in blue smoke and it took forever for the smoke to clear but eventually I rolled down my window, laughing so hard tears were in my eyes, “I guess you win” I said and he said, “No I think you did!” and we laughed and laughed and then gingerly took our cars up to our assigned parking spots on the 3rd floor.

The next morning the real “winner” was revealed - Jeff had already left, apparently without issues, but both my tires were nearly bald and the right rear tire nearly flat. I had worn it so far down it had lost air overnight. However it was not completely flat, so I was able to drive, slowly, to a gas station where I bought a “Fix a Flat” kit and refilled it, hoping this would get me to the airport in Houston, 23 miles away. 

It was raining hard so I was soaking wet after filling the tire but it appeared to be holding and so I got on Highway 69 on the way to IAH George Bush Airport

I made it all the way to the exit off the expressway without incident but I could feel the right rear tire growing ever softer. I had bought another Fix-a-Flat and stopped again before turning onto the airport access road to refill it again. In the process, I became fully drenched to the bone due to the full-on downpour. From the turn, it was only 5 miles to the car rental return and I was reasonably confident I could make it. However, within a mile or so, the right rear tire again went completely flat. The car began to shudder and tilted down and to the left. I pulled over onto the shoulder and slowed. With only two miles to go, I figured I could go slow and still make it in time to make my flight. 

After the turn on the airport access road (Will Clayton Highway), I drove slowly on the shoulder making good progress at perhaps 30mph. Watching the GPS, my distance to the Budget car rental return had dropped to only 1.5 miles. I was almost there. However things began to deteriorate: suddenly large chunks of rubber were springing off the rear of the vehicle and shooting up and over the windshield - the right rear tire was coming apart. With only a mile to go, I had no choice but to keep going. Just when I thought the worst had already happened the car suddenly shifted hard and back to the left. The left rear tire had also gone flat and suddenly the car was tilted so far back that I had trouble seeing over the hood.

With only a quarter mile to go and the Budget sign in sight, I kept the pedal to the metal and continued forward, the Grand Marquis’ windshield tilted up like a low rider, blue smoke billowing and bits of tire shooting everywhere. Then with only 100 meters to go, the right rear tire completely stripped off and the shuddering sound turned to a metallic squeal as the rim made direct contact with the pavement. I could see a firework of sparks shooting behind the vehicle as I nudged forward and made the left into the Budget parking lot, the wheels and engine of the car steaming in the heavy rain. I looked around, but could see no-one to check me out so grabbed my luggage and sprinted through the rain to the awaiting van leaving the steaming wreck of a car in the returns lane.

I rode in quiet to the airport and flew home, wondering what would happen. Days passed, then weeks, then months - but I never received a complaint, a bill, a credit card charge - nothing. Just to be safe, I never ever rented from Budget again and now it has been 20 years : )